Bloody Knife

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specific months

february 2021

january 2021

december 2020

november 2020

october 2020

03.03.21 - i'm seeing my therapist later. i've been seeing them for almost a year now. i also know for certain that i'm going back to school on the 8th so i have 5 more days of freedom. i have a covid test on friday though at the school. i don't mind that as it has to be done if people want covid to be over. the worst thing that'll come with going back to school is seeing people that i don't like. hopefully most of those people will leave when i go to sixth form but i doubt it. so i'll have to see them for another couple years.......great. i'm also thinking of getting rammstein tickets if and when they come to somewhere near me. if i could go to a rammstein concert then that would be so fuckin cool.

28.02.21 - last day of february. well last hour to be specific. i just feel bored. bored with everything day to day. nothing interests me, nothing excites me. only boredom and some depression. i suppose thats what being a teenager in the 21st century gets you. i see other people living their lives, going out with friends, doing things. and what am i doing? nothing. i watch movies, i play games and that makes me feel somewhat happy, then it's over, and i go back to endless boredom. how poetic.

23.02.21 - every day is the same. time is moving too fast for me to keep up at this point. it seems as though yesterday it was november and now it's february. nearly march. my life is a robotic cycle of eat, work and sleep. i suppose that's the way the world works, training everyone up to be good little workers who don't question anything. the only thing that makes my days different is the film or tv show i watch on that day, or the food that i eat then. i hope it all changes some day because i'm getting bored.

22.02.21 - i have never understood the concept of 'seperating the art from the artist' and the fact that some aren't able to. when a musician gets cancelled (getting cancelled has lost all meaning because it happens every goddamn day) people say "you can't listen to this persons music as they are a bad person". that is bullshit! half the time when someone gets cancelled they haven't done jackshit and with the other half, i'm still going to listen to their music if i like it! cancel culture and the concept of not seperating the art from the artist are both equally stupid. unsuprising that the people who partake in it are mainly people who are oversensitive and got internet access at the age of 2.

21.02.21 - haven't written in here in a bit. one of my friends is completely ghosting me which is pissing me off. i'm trying to make an effort to keep contact with them, but they just don't give one! very annoying. i also have been on school break this past week so that was nice. i start online school again tomorrow which sucks. exams have been cancelled, why the fuck do i still need to go to online lessons? i suppose it's only for a couple more months though until i get to sixth form. still sucks though.

15.02.21 - valentines day happened yesterday. it really wasn't too much of a big deal for me since my love life is nonexistent. sometimes i think about getting a boyfriend/girlfriend but then i remember i'm 16 and so have plenty of time to get one. i do have a crush on someone at my school though. i haven't had a crush since year 6 but shit changes. i'm going to watch lost highway tonight as i don't have anything else to do. hopefully it's good.

12.02.21 - i'm been going on kiwifarms a lot more lately. i've had an account since october but i don't really post too much on it. i just lurk on the various threads. i think i might be going back to school on the 8th march. i'm not looking forward to it. if you know me in real life or online you probably know that i hate school and the vast majority of the people in it. i'm glad that i'm gonna be getting out of there in a couple years. to me, school is just a way to be controlled by people who say they 'have your best interests at heart'. it's bullshit.

09.02.21 - i watched duck! again. it was still good, especially for a shit film. you could say that it is 'so bad it's good' but i don't believe in that as how can something be both awful and brilliant. anyway, i have a sixth form interview tomorrow. it feels weird that i'm going into sixth form in september. i feel old even though i'm not even an adult. i guess that's life. the interview will probably just be 'why are you choosing your subjects' and 'why did you pick this school to stay at'. they're pretty easy questions so it shouldn't be too hard. at least that will bring some variety into my day.

07.02.21 - my life is beginning to feel like the film groundhog day. every day is exactly the same. it's been feeling this way for a month now since lockdown 3 came into place. day in, day out, exactly the same. i sometimes talk to my real life friends but that is rare. i spend most of my time on my computer or on twitter talking to people which makes life feel a bit less monotonous. updating this site makes life feel less 'the same' as well. i'm going to watch duck! again tonight.

04.02.21 - it is currently 11pm. in one of my lessons today i said that i liked a song by mayhem. i bet everyone thought i was a freak, i've been made fun of for my music taste since i was 12 when i was still in my 'emo phase'. i am proud of my music taste but at the same time everytime i say the stuff i like i get made fun of or not listened to. at least in real life anyway. i also learnt when i was 12 that people are scared of difference or 'being different'. typical. most humans are the same anyway but they just can't see it. no wonder they find 'being different' so abnormal if they're all the fuckin same!

03.02.21 - i've been listening to more atari teenage riot lately. loud, fast, TECHNO! eric would be proud. a lot of people probably wouldn't like my music taste as "it's just noise!" or "that doesn't even sound like music!". if you think or say that then you can suck my dick. really! techno and industrial may be less big now but it still is fuckin good. you've got NIN, chemical brothers, ATR, KMFDM, all great bands, especially KMFDM.

29.01.21 - i meant to put something here yesterday but then i forgot. some shit has really been getting me pissed off lately. there's this big news story about reddit buying up a load of stock and making its price go up. not really something to get pissed about? well turns out a lot of stock trading apps are stopping people from buying stock (basically protecting the rich from losing more money). the rich have enough money! so what if they lose a bit of their millions of pounds/dollars! i hate the rich, they're all too snotty and stuck up for their own good. i also hate big corporations but that is an entry for another day.

26.01.21 - well i'm 16 now. thats pretty cool. i've also been playing a lot of doom as i have the time to. i felt like i should update this but i really don't have that much to talk about huh.

22.01.21 - it feels weird that i'm going to turn 16 in less than 2 days. my sweet sixteenth. you see it all the time in movies and on tv. it's typical there that when you're sixteen you get a horse or a car or some other overpriced gift. i know i'm not getting a fuckin car but i don't even have my licence so it would be of no use to me. i remember watching the diay of a wimpy kid movie when i was younger and fuckin loving that scene where the girl has her sweet sixteenth and the brother sings justin beiber to her. weird. though, what can i expect from scripted movies, nothing in them ever happens in real life. well, spending your 16th birthday in a pandemic is certainly memorable. you wouldn't see that in a movie.

20.01.21 - being a social recluse does have its perks. for one, i don't have to deal with the issues of 'normal' teenagers. i don't have to preoccupy myself with my non existent love life or get stressed about what i'm gonna wear to the latest party. i feel as though i should want to be more social as i've been told all my life that living a life similar to ted kazcynzki (minus making bombs) is not the way to live a happy life but honestly, i'd rather live a life of solitude than buy into the mindless capitalism and consumerism of the modern day world but hey, maybe i should take a page out of other peoples books. ignorance is bliss after all.

19.01.21 - i hate that song drivers licence. it's everywhere and it's not even any good. it's just the standard bland pop music that everyone seems to looove. it's like in 2016 when that shit justin timberlake song was on the radio and it was one of the only songs that i got bored by and you know a song is bad when people can get bored by it. no wonder the music industry is going to shit when all they produce is this crap.

13.01.21 - i've somehow commited to updating this site regularly, which is good. i feel like i should make it look better but i don't have the time to do that what with online school and other life stuff. i will try to make my homepage look cool though. it's been the same since june and i think it should change a bit. look out for some changes soon.

12.01.21 - the richard ramirez documentary is coming out tomorrow. nice. i'm getting so bored at the moment. i have nothing to do except work, sleep and eat and that, to me, is a sad existence. i hope the world will go back to 'normal' soon but with the way the world is going i doubt the world will be normal for at least another year or two. the stuff in the us is horrific though. a load of mental republican fucks storming one of the most important buildings in america was not the thing i expected out of 2021. politics is fucked over in america, i would hate to live there.

11.01.21 - online school has started again. that kinda sucks. i also watched a couple films last weekend, those being final destination and duck the carbine massacre. final destination was pretty good, it was a big blockbuster film after all. duck was definitley not a blockbuster film but it was pretty funny the way it parodies certain events.

05.01.21 - 13:25 - i don't like gen z. even though i am a part of gen z, that doesn't mean that i like my generation. some of it is ok like being less prejudiced and being more accepting but honestly, the type of gen z kids on tik tok are fuckin horrible. i hate that new 'alt' phase that every single teenager seems to be having as well. when will they understand that no, dyeing two strands of your hair pink and listening to some shitty hyperpop does not make you emo. it seems like people now just want to say that they're 'alt' so that they can somewhat distinguish themselves from everyone else, which doesn't work as every teenager now is 'alt'.

05.01.21 - happy new year! well i am currently in a national lockdown which is fun. i have also managed to record doom gameplay to put up on youtube.

28.12.20 - can't believe it's gonna be 2021 soon. 2020 has been such a weird year and i'm glad it's almost over. 2020 is probably gonna be the year that is put in history books. weird.

23.12.20 - 2 days before christmas. it is currently 12:56am and i am bored out of my mind. i can't leave my house due to lockdown restrictions. probably due to a fuck ton of people going to parties in my area. god i hate people that go to parties. they're so stupid and selfish to not realise that partying during a global pandemic isn't cool! braindead, that's what i call them. absolutely fuckin braindead.

17.12.20 - finished exams last week. woohoo! downloading old games to put into retroarch to play. god i love emulation.

09.12.20 - almost at the end of exams. pretty cool. i'm feeling better than i did a few days ago, mentally speaking, but obviously i'm still not great. i'm so tired of everything at the moment but i'm sure everything will be fine once exams finish. listened to the entireity of the downward spiral as well. great album. can see why dylan liked it so much.

03.12.20 - i've been thinking a lot lately, especially as sitting in exam halls for hours on end doesn't really give you much choice not to. and y'know with i've come to the conclusion that i don't see why trans people feel so proud about being trans. now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that being trans is inherently bad as i myself am trans and so that would be monumentally hypocritical of me. but i don't view it as something to be proud about and tell everyone about. being trans is fuckin awful, i'm not gonna lie about that, it's like the seventh level of hell but worse as you are actually going through it. coupled with the riducle from others and the fact that it causes many day-to-day problems, i honestly don't see why being trans is something to be so proud about. but hey, maybe i'm just sleep deprived and my mind is going haywire. idk.

22.11.20 - haven't updated this site in over a week. well i managed to get a ps5 which is very fun to play. the little tech demo game astros playroom is also quite enjoyable, especially for a thing only showcasing what the controller can do. sadly my CATALYST wad got deleted as i fucked it up in XWE and SLADE. i'm planning on making a new one when i go on christmas break which is in just under a month. i've also been playing a lot of doom this past week. especially using the mod brutal doom. thats basically doom 2016 in classic doom. my exams are in just over a week so i probably won't be updating this site as often as i would like. i will still try though.

13.11.20 - friday the 13th. exams are starting in less than 3 weeks. nothing gets me in the christmas spirit like doing a week of exams! they won't be too bad though, since my 'learning accomodations' make it so i don't have to sit in an exam hall. i've been editing a lot more. i'm getting better at it. i might even make a youtube channel to showcase shit. if so i'll put it on my links page. i did have a youtube channel but it got suspended out of nowhere. i have about 6+ youtube accounts so it's all good. i also started listening to molchat doma and chemical brothers. don't have that much to write about here so i guess it's goodnight.

03.11.20 - y'know what i HATE? people who get in the way of EVERYTHING. say if some group of fuckers are standing RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN MIDDLE of a fuckin corridor and i'm trying to get through. can't you fuckers just MOVE?! i also hate motherfuckers who don't have the mental capacity to SHUT THE FUCK UP! i don't give two shits about your conversations. JUST SHUT UP!

31.10.20 - happy halloween! i FINALLY sorted out all my games and got them all in one place. my CATALYST wad is still under construction. doom wads take a helluva lot of time to make. ive been spending most of my time either editing, playing wolf3d or watching films. i watched psycho the other day. it looks shit since it was made in 1960 but it's a good film anyway. also watched elephant if anyone knows what that is. thinking of booting up templeOS today. gonna watch horror films later cos guess what motherfuckers? it's halloween!

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23.10.20 - i FINALLY have an idea for what my CATALYST wad is gonna look like. pretty exciting if you ask me. i have the time to do it now, with me being in self isolation.

19.10.20 - today has been exactly the same as my other days. my daily routine is get up, go to school, come home, watch tv/play videogames, eat dinner, watch some more tv, sit in my room on my ipad until whenever im too tired to see the screen, then sleep. how exciting. at least it's half term in a few days. im mainly just tired of the people around me and what they think. they live sad little lives but im not that much better. we're all born to work and die and thats the way of life as it has been since humanity came about. the people i know in real life are so dull though. they say that they're so revolutionary and will change the world someday. ha! id like to see that come into action. at least it brings me a little happiness knowing how wrong they are.

13.10.20 - if i'm being honest, today hasn't been the best day. watched nbk again, looked up some shit for the PS5, nothing too special. anyway, like i said before i wiped this page, i'm going to completely change my site to distract myself from my hellscape of a life. might delete a few pages, might add some, i don't know! its my site and i can do whatever the hell i want with it!

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