Gun

15.06.21 - i was watching this deftones video and remembered that i watched it before on the kerrang music video channel. i remember watching the shit out of that a couple years back when they used to have five hour slots of 90s or 00s rock videos then two hour slots for 'modern alternative' which was just some shitty band or singer like yungblud. anyway, i have to do this presentation on someone who 'inspires me' for a class on thursday. i'm torn between doing kurt cobain or our overlord and saviour trent reznor. i'll probably do cobain as not many people know about reznor apart from my film and media studies teacher.

11.06.21 - i've been uploading more videos to bitview over the past couple days. mainly music and gaming videos, stuff that i like. anyway, i have still been talking to that girl, it is going well. unfortunately, i'm probably not gonna be able to say as much as i want here because my internet is weird and i don't know when it will fuck up and shut off, i will try and say some shit though. i'm thinking of buying half life 2, seems like a solid game. i am also doing my 7th or 8th longplay of doom 2. i am currently up to downtown. it is hell.

08.06.21 - i have now had two days in the sixth form induction thing. they haven't been too bad. i've had lessons for all of my subjects and y'know they haven't been awful. i at least know people in all my classes, whether i like them is a different matter altogether. in all of my classes i'm stuck with a bitch who i really don't like, as well as in my tutor! to be fair to her i don't have a definitive reason to dislike her, i just do because she's annoying. today was pointless though because i only had one media class in the afternoon, so for the morning i sat with a friend and watched 'The Nun'. shit film. at least i have a couple good people in my tutor including her which is decent.

05.06.21 - last night i fell asleep at 2am, woke up at 5am then slept for 7 hours more until 12pm. great sleep schedule there. a couple updates on that girl i was talking to as well. we've been talking throughout the day, as people do, but here's the difference. with most people i talk to, it's about school or some shit but with her we talk about shit that actually interests me, like films, music and videogames. i have also found out she likes rammstein, which is very cool and plays GTA V! another positive is that she said that she likes talking to me. i think that this could evolve into something, unlike what i had with her. i honestly don't have anything else to put here so i guess this is it.

04.06.21 - well, i didn't get that job i applied for. not too disappointed because they said they'd keep my CV in the running for a job. anyway, i posted on my instagram story something about KMFDM and some girl (i think she was one of the goth girls i met after graduation) responded recommending me some band, pitchshifter. i've heard of them but never checked them out until she recommended them to me. they're good, not much else to say. she then sent me her spotify profile, and after scouring it so that there wasn't any true crime shit on there, i sent mine back but OF COURSE my username had to be my deadname. c'mon, i'm talking to a girl and my deadname has to come up, great one there universe. she didn't give a shit which is good but she thinks i have good music taste which is pretty cool. ha dylan, i did what you couldn't, i found a girl that likes techno! suck it klebold! fortunately she takes media so we could be in the same class AND she asked me if i play GTA so we've got some positives here. we are also somewhat mutual friends through ***** and i also know the people that she is friends with. it's good to know that i'm not inept that talking with girls. anyway, i met up with **** yesterday and bought that matrix boxset and let me tell you, it was hard getting it! so first i went into CEX, got the set, went to the counter BUT the cashier said that i had to prove i was 16 so i went back home, got my passport, went back to CEX then my fuckin card didn't work so i had to go to an ATM to get £10 to buy the damn thing then finally i got it! all that, just to watch the matrix reloaded. man, it's hard fuckin work spending money! i also showed **** some columbine memes and he found them funny. even asked me to send them to him! true friendship is when your friend asks you to send you columbine memes.

02.06.21 - a heatwave has hit the uk, and i hate it. it's too hot at night and too hot in the day, which sucks big time. at least i'm seeing **** tomorrow..it was originally planned for sunday but something came up so it was moved to tomorrow. i'm not complaining! i have also seen that pride month is now in full swing, which i have mixed feelings about, mainly due to the amount of corporate shit that companies are now throwing at lgbt people because "JUNE IS PRIDE MONTH OMG KDHGISHSGIOHS". i can just imagine in every company there is a calendar with a red circle right over the month of june. managed to buy some new clothes for prom yesterday which was pretty cool. bought a couple shirts, a pair of shoes and a shirt. good score if you ask me. binge listened to sister machine gun while playing gta as well. fuck i love that band. my dad keeps hinting at me to listen to dark side of the moon. i like that song 'money' so i'm not against listening to it, i'd just rather not him telling me to listen to it EVERY DAY! maybe i should strike up a deal, i listen to dark side of the moon and he listens to XTORT. i should definitely try that one.

31.05.21 - applied for a job earlier today. feeling pretty confident but i don't expect to get it. you never get the first job you apply for. i'm going out tomorrow to buy clothes for sixth form. also i heard that dream cheated in his speedrun. well, i knew it! slimy fuck! i played too much gta v today but managed to get some good clips of the various rampages i went on. the minigun in gta is really a great weapon. it's fast, high powered, good range and you've never got to reload. genius! can't really talk about much except from the fact i spent a couple hours writing a cv, played ps4 and am now writing here. huh.

30.05.21 - gonna apply for a job tomorrow. really need to get one y'know. for the summer at least. loads of people i know have them, even the fat kid that was in my english class. let me tell you, it was real suprising when i found out he worked at sports direct. also went into town again. i've been going out a lot more lately. went out on thursday, went out today. earlier in the year i wouldn't leave the house for 2/3 weeks at a time though i was pretty depressed and there was a national lockdown so i think that can be excused. haven't spoken to my 'friends' in a while. they have a groupchat but i muted it a few weeks ago because i don't care what shitty thing *** has to say on it. truly, after a while it just gets boring. i should try and meet up with **** at some point but i'm not sure when he's working. would be nice to meet up before the two week sixth form thing.

29.05.21 - just found another dumb sol pais clone on neocities. they are a cancer to this place. honestly, just because that bitch had a website doesn't mean you have to have one! it's the same with eric harris clones here. remember sickgirl? she follows me here i'm pretty sure...that video of her website was fuckin funny. can't lie! i remember watching it and going straight to the wayback machine to find any archives. it's been over a year since that. time really does fly. anyway, did the usual of fuck all today except i know in a couple of days i'm going out to get a tuxedo. exciting, right? gotta look good for prom so i don't look like a complete shithead. some girls i know have already bought dresses. being a girl going to prom seems fuckin annoying. you have to get the dress, the shoes, the makeup and on top of that you've got to make sure everything matches or some shit. with guys you get a tux and shoes, boom, you're set. anyway, i'm gonna go now and edit something else here.

28.05.21 - i have done fuck all today, as expected. i played the sims 4 for quite a while, even though i've barely played it since 2017/18. also woke up to about 12 people liking my instagram post including her. that was pretty cool to find out. i also started to listen to phonk music. i like a couple songs but overall, it's shit. still not as bad as that hyperpop 100 gecs ear rape shit. *** really enjoys that shit and i can't see why. usually i see referring to music as 'just noise' as being retarded but in this case it works. listen to one hyperpop song and tell me it has anything in it that isn't just noise. listening to Sagath now as i'm writing this. watched that JCS criminal psychology video on nik cruz and his pretend insanity. cruz is pathetic and he looks like a disfigured human rat. still haven't printed out some film posters yet..will hopefully do that tomorrow.

27.05.21 - holy shit i have a lot to talk about. so, graduation happened, and it was just like i expected, some teachers going on in an assembly about "we wish you luck" and how "year 11 has been so hard and we're so proud of you". could have been worse. they did show both my year 7 and year 9 photo. i may hate my year 7 photo but i hate my year 9 one more. it was taken 2 days before i got my hair cut short and it was in that horrible stage of being not long enough nor short enough to look good. at least everyone got embarrassed with those photos though, not just me. after graduation me and my 'friends' went to ****s house to order mcdonalds. i also drank a can of monster for the first time (it was the pink one because i was told that it was good) and liked it. we went into town and *** and ****** went into every charity or 'thrift' shop there was to look for clothes. i tagged along just to see if there were any good films to buy and there were! we all then met up with a group of 'goth' girls at a skatepark and did the same as we did before, just with them. they were pretty cool, i know a couple of them listen to death metal so that's alright. they fucked off soon after. i left to go home at about 4, because i was bored and plus my 'friends' (minus ****) had an arrangement to get sushi at some place and meet up with the person who will be replacing me in the friend group and as much as i would like to get sushi, i wasn't invited and am having some tomorrow night! also posted a picture of myself on instagram for the first time in about 4 years with **** for 'goodbye year 11' sake. ah well, i didn't look shit in that photo and it had a KMFDM reference.

26.05.21 - woohoo, left school today! got about 26 people to sign my shirt, **** drew a fuckin dragon on my shoulder. pretty decent. graduation tomorrow, it won't be too bad. at least now i can relax and do fuck all for a couple months. gonna go out with my 'friends' tomorrow, got the burning event soon, shit is good! at least i never have to take science again. for once, i feel bad for americans because they have to take maths and science until they leave high school, not when they finish GCSEs. also had some mock job interview today which went well. the woman interviewing me said i looked professional and mature, which both seem like good things to be in the eyes of an employer. had an assembly as well where they showed my year 7 photo. god i looked awful there. i was sat next to her and we both were horrified at how shit we looked. i hope i get to see her at graduation tomorrow, that would be cool. i went back through my email and found my welcome email from when i joined youtube 5/6 years ago. i have been active on youtube since 2011/12 (honestly, i miss the old ui) but was only allowed an account in 2015. i remember what i used to watch back then. mainly minecraft and the occasional cod video my cousin would send me. i was 6, i didn't really care. but in 2016 i switched to that leafy commentary shit but never really even watched leafy, more watched memeulous, willne, pyro and idubbbz. now i just watch any shit that i think looks good.

24.05.21 - at least i can say i've done some shit today. i had my final science test today and have finally finished GCSEs! also went over to ****s house but some bitch who i don't like was there so i had to pretend to be nice to them. i hate when i have to do that. found out that some other bitch i hate does the exact same subjects as me and is in all my classes for the sixth form induction! just my luck! if there is a god he is sure fuckin me over right now! it's the school photo tomorrow which i guess isn't too bad because i look half decent for it. i've updated this site quite a bit today so i'm gonna fuck off and go play return to castle wolfenstein for an hour or so.

23.05.21 - graduation in 4 days. i haven't really done anything today apart from watch a film and eat cold pizza. the pizza was good though even if the cheese was too congealed. i already know what things i'm going to burn at the fire event later this week. gonna bring my camera so the burning of my tie is immortalized in film. i have been playing some guitar today as well, learnt the bass part for little green bag. i really should play my guitar more often, i like playing it but just can't be bothered sometimes. weird that next year i'll have been playing it for 10 years. 10 years?! and i'm still shit! ha! funny how i stuck at it for so long. i quit singing, quit dancing (worst decision to start dance in the first place), quit football (that died as soon as i went to year 7) but somehow guitar and drums i've stuck at. probably because i was told i had natural talent at age 7 and so stuck with it. bit of a tangent there, but onto another thing. at least i get to talk to **** about a couple films i've seen, or about some other shit. we were talking about what was better, two assault rifles or a sawed-off on friday. we agreed a sawed-off was more powerful but the assault rifles could do more damage. i also showed him some shit from a certain guy called jack, who i know some here are aware of. he just laughed at the guy. anyway, i'm going to stop writing and go listen to nirvana.

22.05.21 - i bought a tarantino film boxset today. had reservoir dogs, kill bill 1 & 2, pulp fiction and jackie brown. pretty good selection. also watched eurovision. i don't really like those type of shows but i watched it. the uk got no votes, as expected but italy won which was ok as i actually liked the song they played. i found out i am in ***s media studies class for the two week induction thing. hopefully it won't be too bad even though they are the most annoying one in that group. they say they have tics but in reality they just make noises because they think it's funny. it's not, what it is is real annoying! i'm going to print out some film and music posters later to put them on my wall. i also realised that i will most likely be replaced in my 'friend' group in september as someone *** knows is coming to sixth form which i don't mind. it'll be a great excuse for me to get out of that group plus that new guy is just as annoying as *** so they'll be fine without me. they are barely aware of me anyway so there won't be much of a change. i have a feeling school photos are on tuesday. i may do the kubrick stare but i doubt i'll be allowed. funny if i do though. ha!

21.05.21 - oh hey look it isn't 11pm! i've been listening to the new waterparks album, which isn't really typical of me but i've been listening to them since 2016/17 so i thought i may as well check out their latest album, which is very catchy. in other news, i am feeling pretty good today, probably because it's hit me that i'm leaving school in less than a week. also i had a conversation with some other people i know which was so much better than spending time with my 'friends'. i had to pretend to be real woke though which was the only irritating thing. i should have said that i don't find people saying retard offensive and see how that would have gone down. they would probably be angry until i said that i was an autist myself then they would be fine. i also talked with her about the most toxic fanbase. i said dream stans because of the annoying 12 year olds, she said nirvanas fanbase because of the gatekeeping. yeah pretty good day. i'm gonna fuck off now.

20.05.21 - it is now a regular occurrence that i update this page at 11pm. suppose it's easy to talk about my day then. sometimes i think about how i come across from this website and from these entries. for the most part, i act in these entries like i do in real life, except a bit more awkward because the way i speak is a bit weird, or at least i think it's weird. i also hope that people understand what i mean in these entries when i tell jokes or use sarcasm or irony even though my sense of humour is skewed. i will probably upload some postal 2 footage to my youtube channel tomorrow, as it's friday and i have time to do so. i just need to work out what i'll upload. maybe finding the WMD or something else, i'll work it out soon enough. i don't know whether i've mentioned that i've got a camcorder, but i do and earlier i was going through it and found a fuck ton of videos from my childhood (mainly from 2008-2010) which were quite entertaining. fuck i had a squeaky voice, but then again i was 4 so that can be excused. anyway, i'm going to go off now and post on some forum or look around kiwifarms. hope this entry was legible.

19.05.21 - i only have two tests left to do before graduation. it's probably just going to be an assembly where teachers go 'awh look at you being at this school for the past 5 years awh' not any of that gown and cap throwing shit that you normally see at graduation type things. i also uploaded a youtube video to my channel, which i probably should link somewhere, but it's 11pm right now and i just don't have the time nor energy. i have phys ed tomorrow, which most likely means i'll see her. not like i don't see her that much anyway, we do talk often which is pretty cool. i am thinking of introducing her to my youtube channel, even though she'll have no idea what i'm playing since no-one i know likes doom, even c***. funnily enough with **** i do tell him some of the especially weird shit that i find on neocities and on the web in general, even though he doesn't know my site domain. a certain incident with a mole has come up in conversation quite a bit...if you know, you know. anyway, i'm going to sleep now as even though i don't have any tests tomorrow, i still want to be somewhat conscious.

17.05.21 - someone i know has gone full "the menendez brothers should be freed i love them" which i find real fuckin funny. even put them on their instagram highlights. and they say romance is dead....they tried to get me to sign some petition to let them out of prison which i didn't do. petitions don't do jack shit, they just have the effect of saying 'pretty please'. i bet in a few days they're going to have a badge or tshirt with one of the brothers face on it, full fangirl. how funny. anyway, i said yesterday that i was doing something on macbeth and hey, i did the test! all i have to say is fuck you lady macbeth you should've jumped off of a cliff sooner so i didn't have to write about your feelings of guilt. thank fuck that's over! some kids in my product design class were blasting some drill music, y'know the type that is synonymous with the type of guys who get arrested at fairs for sneaking 4 knives in. all of it sounded the same. there has got to be better music out there than 'i shanked someone then shagged a girl'. though then again, such lyrical genius could not be matched! that's it for now, if i think of more stuff to write i'll put it down.

16.05.21 - i bought 4 games today. i saw that steam was giving bethesda games a discount so i got wolfenstein 3d (i technically already had it nudge nudge wink wink), return to castle wolfenstein, doom 3 and fallout new vegas ultimate edition (the one with all the dlcs) . gonna have fun playing those over the summer. i have school tomorrow which won't be too bad (hopefully). only got one english test, unfortunately it's on macbeth (or lady macbeth) which i hate but once that one is over i never have to think of anything to do with english ever again! i can finally burn my english books! fuck you english department, i get to escape! i'm counting down the subjects i don't have to give a shit about, currently the only ones i've got down are RE and construction as my tests for them are done! ah well, this time next week it'll all be over and i will only have one more chemistry test next monday then i will fully be rid of all my subjects!
15:57
i can hear the rain outside my window and my window has the weakest glass ever so it makes the rain really loud. well i guess that's england for ya. maybe it's just my shitty town. i wish i could leave the town where i live but i can't. really, the only exciting thing that happened here was some girl from my school hanging herself in her garage a few years ago. i guess everyone hates where they live, especially if they're 16. where i live is in the middle of nowhere, england. it sucks. hopefully i'll be able to leave in a couple years, if not i'll write a shitty pop punk song about how i hate my town but still live there.

14.05.21 - i hate overthinking things. so, i was texting her earlier and suddenly she just stopped responding. i didn't talk too much after that because it would be weird of me to send 4+ texts to her when i know she won't respond but it made my mind go haywire. basically thinking "oh maybe she's busy and can't check her phone at the moment" or "oh she finds me annoying and doesn't want to talk to me after this short conversation" which doesn't make any sense because we're (somewhat) friends and we usually talk in class quite a bit as well as the fact that if she didn't want to talk to me she wouldn't have texted me back in the first place! she's probably just busy or can't be bothered to check her phone, it's a friday night after all. huh, that's enough about this shit. anyway, i started watching this show on netflix, the girl from nowhere. saw that some people were talking about it and decided to give it a shot. honestly i kinda liked it because it's dramatic but funny. i'm also probably going to play some shrine and put it on youtube. don't know about that though.

13.05.21 - today has certainly been eventful. i had a chemistry test which went okayyyyy....although the highlight of my day was phys ed. suprising but this is why: so usually i just go with what my 'friends' are doing (three of them are in that class) but today i went and did a different sport because we had a choice of three and guess who was doing the same sport i was? you probably didn't guess correctly but if you did well done. it was her. i haven't talked about her much on here but we're getting to be more friendly and shit which is pretty cool. y'know she laughs at whatever shit joke i have to tell. that's cool. we also share somewhat the same taste in music but i don't think she's into ATR :,(. what's that dylan quote "i hope she likes techno"? something like that anyway. she's into lil peep, tyler the creator and that whole scene which i like too kinda. not as much as KMFDM or NIN but y'know it's something! we also joked around in spanish class about some physics teacher being scared of stairs because they might fall through them. HA! life is good. i have also seperated myself from my 'friends' by not just going along with everything they do, like with the sport thing, when they went off to do rounders (baseball) i thought "no, i'm not just going to follow them, i'm going to do my own shit" and i did and it was good! life lesson folks! that's it for tonight. i sound like a shitty late night host don't i? ha!

11.05.21 - bought tickets to the prom today. i don't even know why i'm going, probably because **** is. i'm really starting to hate my 'friends' (****, ***, *****, ****** and ****) because they really piss me off! for example, today i was going to sit at a table and k**** said 'oh i'm going to sit there'. fine, there were two seats i could sit at one and they could sit at the other. but, as soon as i sat down they moved two tables over. what's up with that?! i know that k**** dislikes me because i got angry at them yesterday for lying to me. y'know the response i got? "oh well i'm sorry that i left you out of this text but i was really fuckin drunk and so didn't have a clue what was going on, ok?". that's not the point you retard! the point is you all told me that the secret groupchats had been disbanded but noooooo they seem to be alive and well! at this point it is just humiliating to be seen with them. i hate them. hopefully next year i can get some friends who aren't dicks. i can only hope.

08.05.21 - i got a haircut yesterday. i no longer look like a greasy gamer guy who you'd want to stay way from. i was also wearing my nirvana shirt which looks like this and i got a couple compliments on it. one from a guy at the hairdressers and another from a guy in cex because i went there after my haircut. i'm hoping to apply there for a job because i know about games and movies and would enjoy it, even if it is retail. might even apply for currys pc world because that job is tech-based and i know they have vacancies. i don't much to write about now but i will probably write more later after i have gone out with ****.

05.05.21 - well my history assessment went great. i ended up leaving halfway through because i was worried about not finishing the test which made me miss more of the test than if i'd stayed there writing. i went to some place where i sat outside a room and waited for about 20 minutes. then my history class walked by after the lesson and i did my best impression of trying to blend in. it is a bit hard when you are the only one sitting down in a corridor. i then managed to sneak into a crowd of year 9s to get to my next lesson without people seeing me. man it really is hard staying invisible! i get to finish the test on friday which won't be too bad. i hope i get decent marks as history is the only subject i do get good marks in and the only one i'm not dropping next month. all the others i don't really give a shit about except the ones that would stop me getting into sixth form. y'know maths and english. also my music teacher tried to get me to do music tech next year. no! i don't see the point in it. i can play music and that doesn't mean i have to learn how to produce it. my goal is to be a game designer, not a music producer.

03.05.21 - i bought gmod yesterday. i haven't played multiplayer yet because my pc is too shit to run multiplayer. better to wait until i get a better one in the summer. i have been playing a ton of sandbox though. all that time playing minecraft alone really does pay off as well as spending 2000+ hours playing sims 4. it is really funny going around with the physics gun and fling some ragdolls across the map. my favourite map at the moment is gm_bigcityimproved but gm_fork is pretty good as well. not to mention all the dumb weapons you can get. moral of the story: gmod is cool. anyway, i can't wait until the summer. i have only 3 weeks left until i am free! man i am going to burn all of my school books that i don't need. one sentence that i didn't think i'd hear a couple days ago was 'oh hey man you want to go to a book burning on the 28th?'. you bet my science book is going to turn to ash. i've got an incinerator in my back garden (it's a metal bin with holes in the lid) so i guess that will do the job!. still gotta do some fuckin exams though. i have 3 tomorrow and that sucks!

30.04.21 - i created a last.fm account about half an hour ago. i'll put it up on my music page. i've been drawing a bit more lately and if i'm not a complete moron you should see the drawings that i did here and here. if i am a complete moron, then hey you'll just see some dead links or words. i think i'm going out with a couple of my 'friends' but i'm not sure if they've cancelled it altogether or are going to do it without me. wouldn't be suprised if they did the latter. probably gonna watch shaun of the dead tomorrow and film some shit for youtube. thank fuck i've only got 18 days of being at that shit school until 3 months of FREEDOM! me and **** are probably going to do airsoft in the summer or do some other cool shit like filming our movie. i know some rich fuck in my year owns an airsoft place so i might as well go check it out. airsoft is cool as fuck so doing it in the summer is ideal!

29.04.21 - *** is really pissing me off lately. they're just so annoying! i bought counter strike a couple days ago and i really like playing it. i don't have much time to play it but when i do it's so fun. i found out today that i only have 19 days left in school, not counting weekends. that means 20 days until graduation. y'know i thought graduation and prom only happened in america but nope apparently i am having both a graduation and a prom. the prom is at the end of june though and graduation will probably be just an assembly where they show photos of everyone from year 7 to now. i hope they don't show my photos, but i'm not that important so i guess they won't. i was also meant to have a whole year group photo yesterday but because it was raining they postponed it. i liked that they did because i looked like shit yesterday. still do. i feel bad for the people that tried, y'know the people who curled their hair or put gel in it hoping to look all cool and slick only for it to be canceled. actually no that's pretty funny. ha! i also FINALLY have the motivation to make a doom map but i have other shit to do before i can do that.

25.04.21 - well here i am, drinking 2 day old coke which is somehow still fizzy. i have a biology test tomorrow which i doubt i'll do well in. i never have done well in the sciences. i think it is almost exactly a month until i can fuck off out of school for 3 months. how great that will be. i've been updating this site a ton too which isn't that suprising as every couple of months i do a complete redo of how my site looks. it's also the year anniversary of me being on tcc twitter. it feels really weird that it's been a year. it's been about 10 months since i started this site as well. i made one a month before this one but it was just because i couldn't code and was trying to learn how to. i haven't updated it in about 8 months though..well it is only a white background with two lines of text so i don't think it matters that much. i also have made about 5 websites in wix (i was 10 and didn't have the mental capacity to learn html) and i managed to find the urls to a couple of the websites i made back then. the ones i found were just for school projects but were still weirdly nostalgic.

22.04.21 - it's nearly the end of the week. fuck yeah. i managed to upload some postal 2 gameplay onto my youtube channel which has done pretty well so far. it's only been an hour so we'll see how it goes. a couple of my 'friends' walked off without me again but oh no it's a one off incident even though this is the 3rd time they've done it. i call bullshit. i have a maths test tomorrow which sucks, as do all maths tests. i think i have the version of dyslexia that goes with maths, i think it's called dyscalculia or something because maths just doesn't make sense! i might film a couple of GTA V videos to put on youtube. that'll occupy the time nicely. i also had p.e today or phys ed. we did dodgeball which meant that i did enough work to not be the last one standing. seriously, when that happens it is so shit because you get your team yelling at you to get the other team out or you get the other team yelling at you. it's a lose/lose situation. i did get a ball thrown at my face and that bitch stung! it mainly got the left side of my face so i was only half in pain. i did get to see her though. see, it's good that people i know don't know about this because then i'd then get questions like "ooh who is she tell me c'mon" which i'm NOT going to. that'll be my secret and mine alone. i do know that **** tried to find this site after i changed the domain name which is pretty funny. but anyway, with her i'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way which is annoying but hey what can i do? i'm not gonna force her to like me or anything. that'll just make her not like me. i'm gonna sign off for now.

20.04.21 - well you all know what day it as. if you don't, then i'm not going to explain it to you, find out for yourself! school has started and it is worse than i expected. i found out last night that all my 'friends' made a secret groupchat without me which SUCKS. it's like they don't even care! to *****, ***, *****, ****** and **** FUCK YOU! actually, **** you're alright i don't fully hate you but to all the others i do. i hate your fuckin guts and i only hang out with you fucks so i don't look like a loner bitch. not that there's anything wrong with being a loner. it's the betrayal and deciete that stings the most and also the fact that i won't get an apology from those selfish fucks. really brings my belief in misanthropy to the front of my mind. anyway, i posted some stuff on twitter about today which was about the 13 and e&d. mainly the 13 as on twitter i talk about e&d a lot and it seems fair that for one day i focus on the 13. at the end of the day, i'm not gonna be a dick to dead teenagers for the sake of looking 'edgy'. that's just weird.

18.04.21 - i meant to put something in here yesterday but i forgot. school starts back up tomorrow. at least its only 5 more weeks until the summer holiday so only 5 more weeks of english with my bitch english teacher. at least i get to see all my friends although i have come to the conclusion that they are only really friends with eachother and not me. well i'd rather have a false group of friends than sit alone and look like even more of a weirdo. it's the 22nd anniversary on tuesday so i suppose that's something. i'll certainly see some shit about that on twitter. isn't today the anniversary of when sol pais shot herself? or maybe it was yesterday? i don't even like that bitch so i'm not sure why i care. i had to watch prince philips funeral yesterday because my mum loves the royals or some shit. i don't understand why some people love the royals the way they do. it's the same with celebrity worship. a good example is when that glee actress naya rivera drowned and one of my friends cried for 4 days straight. i get that it's sad but 4 days of crying? to me that is just excessive and weird. but anyway i had to watch the funeral and it was dull as shit. how am i meant to give a shit about an old man who i never knew nor liked? 'oh he's a royal you have to somewhat like him' no i don't! people, man. fuckin people.

12.04.21 - i went out again with ****. i was lucky to find a rammstein magazine which was on their album 'mutter'. great album by the way. i've been playing some tf2 the past few days as well which is ok even though i suck at the game. that's expected as i only bought it two days ago. i also got a ps2 game called crazy taxi which i haven't got to play yet. it looks alright otherwise i wouldn't have bought it. here's something i don't understand though: sometimes i say shit, normal shit that normal people would say, and people laugh at me for it. i'm not sure whether it is the way i say it or what i'm saying, but they still laugh. it's not teasing laughter but i think they view what i say as funny, even though i view it as just normal things that i say. maybe this is just my asbergers kicking in.

09.04.21 - i got to see **** today. that fucker didn't cancel on me, what a suprise! i bought this magazine on horror films which had american werewolf in london on the cover. i think it was a vampire/werewolf special because they were on about both vampires and werewolves. personally, i think that werewolves are better since they're stronger, harder to kill and would easily beat a vampire in a fight. perhaps if the vampire was like one of the ones from from dusk till dawn, but still i think a werewolf would win. it had an article on the evil dead which i really should see sometime. i think i'd like it. when i got back i got told that prince philip died. that guy was a living corpse anyway so it was only a matter of time until he died. the tv schedule was wild though, everything from midday until 6am was a 'bbc special' about his death. how much can you say about one guy? not that much since they kept repeating the same clips every five minutes. i'm also contemplating applying for a job sometime in the summer. i'll have four months off so that'll be a good time to get a job. these entries are getting much longer aren't they? suppose i have more to talk about than usual. huh. i'm gonna stop now.

07.04.21 - **** cancelled on me again. said that he double booked himself when he said that he was sure that he was free. i would be a bit more understanding if this wasn't the gazillionth fuckin time he has cancelled on me. he really doesn't deserve me being this charitable to him. i'm not a complete fuckin pushover and do tell him when he's being a dick but then i get the "i'm such a terrible person i hate myself blah blah blah". i don't care! if you tell me this a thousand times the affect goes away and i start to not believe you. now that rant is over, i can now talk about how i have spent 2 days making a platformer in godot (yes i don't use unity because it crashes my brick of a computer) and it is going suprisingly well! it kinda looks like a mix of ninja gaiden and castlevania (both are hard as shit) with some cool backgrounds attached. this is my first time programming anything except for a pong type game i made in scratch when i was 10. this is getting long so i'm going to stop.

04.04.21 - i've been on a break for about 3 days now and i'm starting to feel better. that's nice. i bought postal 2 yesterday and holy fuck is it fun. i've spent about 8 hours on it so far which isn't too bad. i don't have that much to say here.

31.03.21 - guess i'm mr cutter again. shit has been weird lately. i've been both happy and lonely at the same time. sometimes, i feel good then something just clicks in my mind and all i can think about is ending it all. i don't want to, but i can't help thinking about it. then i just go back to 'normal', whatever normal is anyway. hopefully with this two week break i've got i can clear my head and try and get over this. hopefully.

25.03.21 - i watched taxi driver this evening. it was better than i thought it would be. i've been talking to her a bit more lately. with that, my life is going slightly better. better than it was a few months ago for sure. things could improve though. i feel as though every day is just the same day repeated with the only difference being what food i eat for lunch. i guess that's what over a year in a pandemic gets you. repetition after repetition after repetition. on a lighter note, i designed three doom maps in the last week which i should be able to work on over easter.

20.03.21 - it is very rare that i feel calm with everything but yesterday i did. i was sat in a car in a parking lot and i put on welcome and goodbye by dream ivory and just watched the world go by. it's strange to see other people living their own lives apart from yours. that might just be me though. i keep getting put in support classes at school. by that i mean i get extra help in shit like maths and spanish. ¡qué tontería! that's some spanish for you! it just makes me feel more stupid being in those classes. i get that the point of them is that i get better grades or whatever but no one else i know are doing them! those classes just make you feel isolated from the 'normal' people.

18.03.21 - thank god it's nearly easter holiday. i am so sick and tired of doing the same lessons over and over and over again. i do look forward to a few things there though. i'm also planning on making a new doom wad based on the drugstore scene in natural born killers. that's some good news.

15.03.21 - my mate watched final destination 3 last night finally. he thought it was good. i have been back at school for just over a week and it is getting slightly better. i'm pretty sure i have a crush on a girl in my spanish class. that's cool i guess. not much else to say.

10.03.21 - i hate the feeling of not knowing. not knowing what people think of me, not knowing what will happen tomorrow, not knowing what my future is. i hate the unknown.

09.03.21 - i have been back at school for two days now and it is already boring as fuck. i expected no less. at least i'm seeing my 'friends'. sure they're alright people but i just get the sense that out of the friends i have, i am the odd one out or the one that is least liked. i bought some dvds from CEX yesterday. man i hate the delivery prices that they put on shit. the delivery is £8 more that the shit i'm buying! i have now somewhat got used to the feeling of being invisible around people. it's oddly relaxing knowing that no one will bother you because they don't notice you.

05.03.21 - i had a lateral flow test today. the test itself wasn't too bad, it only took two minutes but i hated waiting to get the test. i was put in a room with a lot of people, some of which i knew. i tried to speak to them or signal 'hi' but it was almost like they didn't want to speak to me or even see me. they were talking to other people who i don't have anything in common with so for a while i just sat alone. i'm not angry about it or resentful but it would have been nice to talk to some people that i know.

03.03.21 - i'm seeing my therapist later. i've been seeing them for almost a year now. i also know for certain that i'm going back to school on the 8th so i have 5 more days of freedom. i have a covid test on friday though at the school. i don't mind that as it has to be done if people want covid to be over. the worst thing that'll come with going back to school is seeing people that i don't like. hopefully most of those people will leave when i go to sixth form but i doubt it. so i'll have to see them for another couple years.......great. i'm also thinking of getting rammstein tickets if and when they come to somewhere near me. if i could go to a rammstein concert then that would be so fuckin cool.

28.02.21 - last day of february. well last hour to be specific. i just feel bored. bored with everything day to day. nothing interests me, nothing excites me. only boredom and some depression. i suppose thats what being a teenager in the 21st century gets you. i see other people living their lives, going out with friends, doing things. and what am i doing? nothing. i watch movies, i play games and that makes me feel somewhat happy, then it's over, and i go back to endless boredom. how poetic.

23.02.21 - every day is the same. time is moving too fast for me to keep up at this point. it seems as though yesterday it was november and now it's february. nearly march. my life is a robotic cycle of eat, work and sleep. i suppose that's the way the world works, training everyone up to be good little workers who don't question anything. the only thing that makes my days different is the film or tv show i watch on that day, or the food that i eat then. i hope it all changes some day because i'm getting bored.

22.02.21 - i have never understood the concept of 'seperating the art from the artist' and the fact that some aren't able to. when a musician gets cancelled (getting cancelled has lost all meaning because it happens every goddamn day) people say "you can't listen to this persons music as they are a bad person". that is bullshit! half the time when someone gets cancelled they haven't done jackshit and with the other half, i'm still going to listen to their music if i like it! cancel culture and the concept of not seperating the art from the artist are both equally stupid. unsuprising that the people who partake in it are mainly people who are oversensitive and got internet access at the age of 2.

21.02.21 - haven't written in here in a bit. one of my friends is completely ghosting me which is pissing me off. i'm trying to make an effort to keep contact with them, but they just don't give one! very annoying. i also have been on school break this past week so that was nice. i start online school again tomorrow which sucks. exams have been cancelled, why the fuck do i still need to go to online lessons? i suppose it's only for a couple more months though until i get to sixth form. still sucks though.

15.02.21 - valentines day happened yesterday. it really wasn't too much of a big deal for me since my love life is nonexistent. sometimes i think about getting a boyfriend/girlfriend but then i remember i'm 16 and so have plenty of time to get one. i do have a crush on someone at my school though. i haven't had a crush since year 6 but shit changes. i'm going to watch lost highway tonight as i don't have anything else to do. hopefully it's good.

12.02.21 - i'm been going on kiwifarms a lot more lately. i've had an account since october but i don't really post too much on it. i just lurk on the various threads. i think i might be going back to school on the 8th march. i'm not looking forward to it. if you know me in real life or online you probably know that i hate school and the vast majority of the people in it. i'm glad that i'm gonna be getting out of there in a couple years. to me, school is just a way to be controlled by people who say they 'have your best interests at heart'. it's bullshit.

09.02.21 - i watched duck! again. it was still good, especially for a shit film. you could say that it is 'so bad it's good' but i don't believe in that as how can something be both awful and brilliant. anyway, i have a sixth form interview tomorrow. it feels weird that i'm going into sixth form in september. i feel old even though i'm not even an adult. i guess that's life. the interview will probably just be 'why are you choosing your subjects' and 'why did you pick this school to stay at'. they're pretty easy questions so it shouldn't be too hard. at least that will bring some variety into my day.

07.02.21 - my life is beginning to feel like the film groundhog day. every day is exactly the same. it's been feeling this way for a month now since lockdown 3 came into place. day in, day out, exactly the same. i sometimes talk to my real life friends but that is rare. i spend most of my time on my computer or on twitter talking to people which makes life feel a bit less monotonous. updating this site makes life feel less 'the same' as well. i'm going to watch duck! again tonight.

04.02.21 - it is currently 11pm. in one of my lessons today i said that i liked a song by mayhem. i bet everyone thought i was a freak, i've been made fun of for my music taste since i was 12 when i was still in my 'emo phase'. i am proud of my music taste but at the same time everytime i say the stuff i like i get made fun of or not listened to. at least in real life anyway. i also learnt when i was 12 that people are scared of difference or 'being different'. typical. most humans are the same anyway but they just can't see it. no wonder they find 'being different' so abnormal if they're all the fuckin same!

03.02.21 - i've been listening to more atari teenage riot lately. loud, fast, TECHNO! eric would be proud. a lot of people probably wouldn't like my music taste as "it's just noise!" or "that doesn't even sound like music!". if you think or say that then you can suck my dick. really! techno and industrial may be less big now but it still is fuckin good. you've got NIN, chemical brothers, ATR, KMFDM, all great bands, especially KMFDM.

29.01.21 - i meant to put something here yesterday but then i forgot. some shit has really been getting me pissed off lately. there's this big news story about reddit buying up a load of stock and making its price go up. not really something to get pissed about? well turns out a lot of stock trading apps are stopping people from buying stock (basically protecting the rich from losing more money). the rich have enough money! so what if they lose a bit of their millions of pounds/dollars! i hate the rich, they're all too snotty and stuck up for their own good. i also hate big corporations but that is an entry for another day.

26.01.21 - well i'm 16 now. thats pretty cool. i've also been playing a lot of doom as i have the time to. i felt like i should update this but i really don't have that much to talk about huh.

22.01.21 - it feels weird that i'm going to turn 16 in less than 2 days. my sweet sixteenth. you see it all the time in movies and on tv. it's typical there that when you're sixteen you get a horse or a car or some other overpriced gift. i know i'm not getting a fuckin car but i don't even have my licence so it would be of no use to me. i remember watching the diay of a wimpy kid movie when i was younger and fuckin loving that scene where the girl has her sweet sixteenth and the brother sings justin beiber to her. weird. though, what can i expect from scripted movies, nothing in them ever happens in real life. well, spending your 16th birthday in a pandemic is certainly memorable. you wouldn't see that in a movie.

20.01.21 - being a social recluse does have its perks. for one, i don't have to deal with the issues of 'normal' teenagers. i don't have to preoccupy myself with my non existent love life or get stressed about what i'm gonna wear to the latest party. i feel as though i should want to be more social as i've been told all my life that living a life similar to ted kazcynzki (minus making bombs) is not the way to live a happy life but honestly, i'd rather live a life of solitude than buy into the mindless capitalism and consumerism of the modern day world but hey, maybe i should take a page out of other peoples books. ignorance is bliss after all.

19.01.21 - i hate that song drivers licence. it's everywhere and it's not even any good. it's just the standard bland pop music that everyone seems to looove. it's like in 2016 when that shit justin timberlake song was on the radio and it was one of the only songs that i got bored by and you know a song is bad when people can get bored by it. no wonder the music industry is going to shit when all they produce is this crap.

13.01.21 - i've somehow commited to updating this site regularly, which is good. i feel like i should make it look better but i don't have the time to do that what with online school and other life stuff. i will try to make my homepage look cool though. it's been the same since june and i think it should change a bit. look out for some changes soon.

12.01.21 - the richard ramirez documentary is coming out tomorrow. nice. i'm getting so bored at the moment. i have nothing to do except work, sleep and eat and that, to me, is a sad existence. i hope the world will go back to 'normal' soon but with the way the world is going i doubt the world will be normal for at least another year or two. the stuff in the us is horrific though. a load of mental republican fucks storming one of the most important buildings in america was not the thing i expected out of 2021. politics is fucked over in america, i would hate to live there.

11.01.21 - online school has started again. that kinda sucks. i also watched a couple films last weekend, those being final destination and duck the carbine massacre. final destination was pretty good, it was a big blockbuster film after all. duck was definitley not a blockbuster film but it was pretty funny the way it parodies certain events.

05.01.21 - 13:25 - i don't like gen z. even though i am a part of gen z, that doesn't mean that i like my generation. some of it is ok like being less prejudiced and being more accepting but honestly, the type of gen z kids on tik tok are fuckin horrible. i hate that new 'alt' phase that every single teenager seems to be having as well. when will they understand that no, dyeing two strands of your hair pink and listening to some shitty hyperpop does not make you emo. it seems like people now just want to say that they're 'alt' so that they can somewhat distinguish themselves from everyone else, which doesn't work as every teenager now is 'alt'.

05.01.21 - happy new year! well i am currently in a national lockdown which is fun. i have also managed to record doom gameplay to put up on youtube.

28.12.20 - can't believe it's gonna be 2021 soon. 2020 has been such a weird year and i'm glad it's almost over. 2020 is probably gonna be the year that is put in history books. weird.

23.12.20 - 2 days before christmas. it is currently 12:56am and i am bored out of my mind. i can't leave my house due to lockdown restrictions. probably due to a fuck ton of people going to parties in my area. god i hate people that go to parties. they're so stupid and selfish to not realise that partying during a global pandemic isn't cool! braindead, that's what i call them. absolutely fuckin braindead.

17.12.20 - finished exams last week. woohoo! downloading old games to put into retroarch to play. god i love emulation.

09.12.20 - almost at the end of exams. pretty cool. i'm feeling better than i did a few days ago, mentally speaking, but obviously i'm still not great. i'm so tired of everything at the moment but i'm sure everything will be fine once exams finish. listened to the entireity of the downward spiral as well. great album. can see why dylan liked it so much.

03.12.20 - i've been thinking a lot lately, especially as sitting in exam halls for hours on end doesn't really give you much choice not to. and y'know with i've come to the conclusion that i don't see why trans people feel so proud about being trans. now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that being trans is inherently bad as i myself am trans and so that would be monumentally hypocritical of me. but i don't view it as something to be proud about and tell everyone about. being trans is fuckin awful, i'm not gonna lie about that, it's like the seventh level of hell but worse as you are actually going through it. coupled with the riducle from others and the fact that it causes many day-to-day problems, i honestly don't see why being trans is something to be so proud about. but hey, maybe i'm just sleep deprived and my mind is going haywire. idk.

22.11.20 - haven't updated this site in over a week. well i managed to get a ps5 which is very fun to play. the little tech demo game astros playroom is also quite enjoyable, especially for a thing only showcasing what the controller can do. sadly my CATALYST wad got deleted as i fucked it up in XWE and SLADE. i'm planning on making a new one when i go on christmas break which is in just under a month. i've also been playing a lot of doom this past week. especially using the mod brutal doom. thats basically doom 2016 in classic doom. my exams are in just over a week so i probably won't be updating this site as often as i would like. i will still try though.

13.11.20 - friday the 13th. exams are starting in less than 3 weeks. nothing gets me in the christmas spirit like doing a week of exams! they won't be too bad though, since my 'learning accomodations' make it so i don't have to sit in an exam hall. i've been editing a lot more. i'm getting better at it. i might even make a youtube channel to showcase shit. if so i'll put it on my links page. i did have a youtube channel but it got suspended out of nowhere. i have about 6+ youtube accounts so it's all good. i also started listening to molchat doma and chemical brothers. don't have that much to write about here so i guess it's goodnight.

03.11.20 - y'know what i HATE? people who get in the way of EVERYTHING. say if some group of fuckers are standing RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN MIDDLE of a fuckin corridor and i'm trying to get through. can't you fuckers just MOVE?! i also hate motherfuckers who don't have the mental capacity to SHUT THE FUCK UP! i don't give two shits about your conversations. JUST SHUT UP!

31.10.20 - happy halloween! i FINALLY sorted out all my games and got them all in one place. my CATALYST wad is still under construction. doom wads take a helluva lot of time to make. ive been spending most of my time either editing, playing wolf3d or watching films. i watched psycho the other day. it looks shit since it was made in 1960 but it's a good film anyway. also watched elephant if anyone knows what that is. thinking of booting up templeOS today. gonna watch horror films later cos guess what motherfuckers? it's halloween!

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23.10.20 - i FINALLY have an idea for what my CATALYST wad is gonna look like. pretty exciting if you ask me. i have the time to do it now, with me being in self isolation.

19.10.20 - today has been exactly the same as my other days. my daily routine is get up, go to school, come home, watch tv/play videogames, eat dinner, watch some more tv, sit in my room on my ipad until whenever im too tired to see the screen, then sleep. how exciting. at least it's half term in a few days. im mainly just tired of the people around me and what they think. they live sad little lives but im not that much better. we're all born to work and die and thats the way of life as it has been since humanity came about. the people i know in real life are so dull though. they say that they're so revolutionary and will change the world someday. ha! id like to see that come into action. at least it brings me a little happiness knowing how wrong they are.

13.10.20 - if i'm being honest, today hasn't been the best day. watched nbk again, looked up some shit for the PS5, nothing too special. anyway, like i said before i wiped this page, i'm going to completely change my site to distract myself from my hellscape of a life. might delete a few pages, might add some, i don't know! its my site and i can do whatever the hell i want with it!